Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1200
We kinda hated sitcoms when we sat down and talked about this. We wanted to do something that was in the sitcom vain but totally different.
I’ll defend child pornography, how about that? What’s wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech?
They took a survey: "Why do men get up in the middle of the night?" Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
You might be a redneck if you have a rag for a gas cap on a car that does run.
Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attrat men? Men don’t like flowers. I wear a scent called “new-car interior.”
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.
I think sometimes that people think brave means not being afraid, which of course it doesn't mean that at all. It means that you're afraid, but you move past that and do it anyway, do what you think is right.
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
Now the ACLU is fighting to overturn a Mississippi state law that stops homosexuals from adopting children. You know folks, I’m no expert on the subject, but if you’re gay and you’ve chosen to set up shop in Mississippi… even I’m reasonably sure you’re not equipped to adopt children, okay?
You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
She was so ugly that she looks like she came second in a hatchet fight.
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.