Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1215
It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy - location, location, location.
I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend.
One of the coolest things about the word "boobs" is, when you look at it, it has boobs.
I really love cursing a lot. But as I get older, I realize it’s a little unseemly for women of a certain age. But then once you pass sixty-five, you can hit it full tilt again and it’s charming. Once you’re Lauren Bacall’s age, you can be like, “What the fuck.”
I would think, if you were horny enough, there'd come a time when it was hos before bros.
Here at CBS, spring also means March Madness. I love the name March Madness. I’m glad the PC police haven’t made us change March Madness to "early spring psychosis."
If you watch cooking shows on cable, they have lots of British people. Because when you think good cooking, you immediately think Britain.
Fathers and sons are natural enemies. Look at any species. Shark, sees his father in the water, he's not thinking, "Hey dad, wassup ?" He's thinking, "Back off, old man, this surfer carcass is mine." Of course, when his girlfriend swims up and she's like, "Way, you know, there's enough surfer for everybody. You and your dad need to frenzy together more. Leave you father a thigh."
What is the fear of the 'gay agenda' that has so upset people? Do people think that if gay people are given a place at the table, they'll be so convincing we'll all end up blowing them? What is the issue? 'You know, I'm straight, but you've made such a convincing argument...'
The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
Men look at breasts the way women look at babies. 'Aw, isn't that lovely.'
I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don’t care about the films. I don’t care if they’re flushed down the toilet after I die.
No matter how much makeup I wore, people just kept saying "Yes, sir! Would you like tea with that, sir?" "Yes, I would like tea. Why don't you put it on my breasts?" "Certainly. Tea for this man's breasts! Anything else, sir?"