Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1227
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?
I think our collective psychosis is hilarious. With the world moving as fast as it is, if we weren't dysfunctional, we couldn't function.
If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.
I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.
Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
I got access to a private tour of the zoo. I got to go in a cage with a koala, which I highly recommend.
British audiences are more polite and have a wider world view. You don’t have to put a fuck joke in every 90 seconds like you do with Americans.
"[To a member of the audience] You look like my friend Debbie. That's really weird … do you get that a lot? [Pause] It's sad, though, 'cause you know, we're not really friends anymore. But, uh, it's not your fault. Seriously, it was 'cause she's, um … not born again Christian … oh! pathological liar."
Ever noticed that people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved?
I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness.