Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1226
It became sort of a snowball effect, with guys trying to deal in their own way with 9/11, whether it was drinking or whatever,
I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.
I wish you'd say that to my face. Not because I'm offended, but because I'm lonely and could use the company.
The world treats beautiful people like they're good at something, which makes it so that they almost never get good at something.
My dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
You might be a redneck if you have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".
I don't like the term 'intercourse'. I've always described sex as having taken her vagina 'into custody'.
If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?
Wrote my own communications software in LISP. Got a phone bill for a thousand dollars. My computer keeps calling itself.
All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals.
If you want something bad enough, you've got to make a bold move. Just make sure you clear the bold move with the people whose lives it's going to affect. Like George Washington, had to get all those guys who the British killed to agree to die. Neil Armstrong, had to crank a couple of elbows into Buzz Aldrin's face mask to make sure he got on the moon first. And Christopher Titus, well, he worked his dad for five grand. Ha ha. Who can't support who ? I know, it's complicated.