Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1226
Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
You might be a redneck if you have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".
I don't like the term 'intercourse'. I've always described sex as having taken her vagina 'into custody'.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Wrote my own communications software in LISP. Got a phone bill for a thousand dollars. My computer keeps calling itself.
One of the coolest things about the word "boobs" is, when you look at it, it has boobs.
Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!
Of course, here's the weird part. After I fought my dad, all of a sudden we're buddies now. Like he's my friend now, we start hanging out. But we're still the same people. So we'd go out on Sunday, you know, and just be hanging out, then he'd, like, pick a guy, and we'd just go beat the crap out of that guy as a team. Memories, huh?
Like most Catholic boys, I wanted to be Jesus Christ. I could never get the turn-the-other-cheek thing down, though.
Earthquakes would be great if they could hit specific areas, like the parent lounge at a children's beauty pageant.
Everyone, calm down. I met with Mr. Cent about a potential project. There's nothing to report yet, I'll let you know if there is.
Cities with a black middle class provide the narrow minded an opportunity to realize that cultural differences are largely economic.