Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 204
Allow me to expose my colon once again. The ramification inflicted on the incision placed within the Fallopian cavities serves to be holistic taken from the Latin word "jalapeno".
Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.
Oh, this is fun - went to a nude beach for the first time. Yeah, that's what I thought. You ever been to a nude beach? Thought it would be all sexy and hot. Oh my God, what a flubber fest! Everybody who shouldn't be naked is naked - didn't make me want to take off my clothes, made me want to take out my contacts.
Whever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I’m not losing a son; I’m gaining a couch."
I put a basketball in front of George Clooney's door and sprayed it with supermodel perfume to lure him out.
You are an alchemist who can turn six beers into an awkward three week relationship.
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.
Abortion is an atrocity. Those who practice or praise it are either damn idiots, misguided fools, or treacherous devils.
Now see, a lot of critics are saying Arnold can't get elected because he's just an ambitious guy with a famous name, who doesn't know anything about running the government. Didn't hurt George Bush.
Easiest job you could ever have… whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create "reasonable doubt."