Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 204
There're rules to being the side chick. Rule number one: you're number two.
The other day I started to take a course in psycho-ceramics. What is psycho-ceramics? It's the study of crackpots.
I think there is much more storytelling in stand-up now. Less emphasis on the joke. Jokes are still important, but it feels like a more intimate and personal experience these days.
I'm from the streets of New York. I know what tough talk sounds like.
More details coming out about Michael Jackson. It seems his 13-year-old accuser testified before a grand jury that Michael had seven locks on his bedroom door. See, what happened was whenever Michael would install one lock, the kid would grow an inch taller, and he’d have to put in another one, and then another one, and then another one.
Good Luck Chuck, a comedy starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, opened today, and critics are saying it has all the belly laughs you’ve come to expect from Jessica Alba.
On the plane was a Time magazine and there was a 30 page article on diabetes, and I read every page. By the time that plane landed, I had diabetes.
Teachers have a chance to mold someone, inspire them. I hope all teachers realize that.
I like Halloween. It gives you a chance to dress up like something you're not, you know? Like when the Miami Dolphins put on football uniforms.
A long time ago there was a lot of people... but that was a long time ago.
Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes right to the fucking bone.
Did you ever reach a point in your life, where you say to yourself, 'This is the best I'm ever going to look, the best I'm ever going to feel, the best I'm ever going to do,' and it ain't that great?