Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 219
At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.
There is a chalk outline being drawn around common sense, and most people cannot even identify the victim.
I was living under a desk in West Hollywood. It was a closet that I shared with another comic. I was shocked when they called me to come in to try out for the show. The chances of me getting on a TV show and winning it is like one-in-a-million. I had only been doing comedy for six years at that point, so I was basically considered an open mic-er or maybe a feature act once in awhile.
I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.
We were talking about urban youth. And by urban I mean lives in a city not urban as in black like white people use it.
I was with a famous comedian when a young fan walked up and asked for an autograph. The comedian blew him off. I'll never forget the look on the young boy's face. He was devastated.
Outside came in '60. The Edge in '61. All three made Gold, but the biggest seller was Inside.
The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.
Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.
My show is my statement. What I have to say is on the screen. My life is my own. I don't want to talk about my private self. Why should I?
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Allow me to expose my colon once again. The ramification inflicted on the incision placed within the Fallopian cavities serves to be holistic taken from the Latin word "jalapeno".
Oh, I know: If you’re fat, let’s not blame you, let’s sue McDonalds! Oh, for cryin’ out loud, hey, if you smoke, not your fault, it’s the tobacco company’s fault! Hey, if you shoot somebody, not your fault, let’s blame the gun industry!