Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 219
At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.
I was living under a desk in West Hollywood. It was a closet that I shared with another comic. I was shocked when they called me to come in to try out for the show. The chances of me getting on a TV show and winning it is like one-in-a-million. I had only been doing comedy for six years at that point, so I was basically considered an open mic-er or maybe a feature act once in awhile.
We were talking about urban youth. And by urban I mean lives in a city not urban as in black like white people use it.
I was with a famous comedian when a young fan walked up and asked for an autograph. The comedian blew him off. I'll never forget the look on the young boy's face. He was devastated.
Outside came in '60. The Edge in '61. All three made Gold, but the biggest seller was Inside.
The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.
Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.
My show is my statement. What I have to say is on the screen. My life is my own. I don't want to talk about my private self. Why should I?
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Allow me to expose my colon once again. The ramification inflicted on the incision placed within the Fallopian cavities serves to be holistic taken from the Latin word "jalapeno".
You want to reclaim your country? You got to go back to the first men who started this country, the founding fathers and this is going to be shocking for the liberal professors out there that are indoctrinating our kids but the founding fathers believed in the Judeo-Christian god that believed we have life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness! You can pursuit it. If you don’t get it, it’s your fault! You messed up. Go back to work. Work harder.