Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 219
One of the gigantic lobsters has demolished our last camera with a single swipe of its horrible claw! Now it's moving toward me! It's fifteen feet away. Ten! I can see the long, quivering antennae! The slimy legs! Its snout and claws, glistening with human bloo...
If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
Nor did anyone censor any of my book. It is the most creative freedom you can have, in this, the 21st century, I can assure you.
Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?
Let’s not pretend that anyone in here likes Nebraska. Have you ever wondered why theres storm chasers? An hour in Omaha and I’m looking for a tornado to take me any place. Get me the hell out of there, uh, no wonder there all fat it’s so they’ll stay on the ground.
My doctor is wonderful. Once, in 1955, when I couldn't afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.
I was brought up in a whorehouse in Peoria. My mother and father lived there and worked there.
Other rappers diss me. Say my rhymes are sissy. What, what, what, why, why, why? Be more constructive with your feedback.
Taking a leak on a tree in the great wilderness of Alaska should not be a "who farted?" situation.