Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 224
And for my family, comedically, that was the key to a lot of the humor.
I believe that Lady Gaga is like a carnival ride. From a distance she looks fun, but up close, you don’t wanna climb on that.
I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!
A kiss is not a contract, but its very nice. Just because you've been exploring my mouth doesn't mean you get to take an expedition for the south.
So I was eating this cereal, and I had all these questions and comments. Luckily there was a number on the box. So I called, and said, ‘I have a question: Is this cereal as delicious as I think it is?' And I have a comment: 'yes'.
As the fly said while landing on the mirrored coffee table. Well... That's another way of looking at it.
I must end it. There is no hope. I will be at peace. No one had anything to do with it. My decision totally.
I went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.
When I talk to Steve Martin, he's joyful when he talks about comedy.
We cannot attain the presence of God. We're already totally in the presence of Fod. What's missing is awareness.
At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.
A little Everclear punch. We had Everclear punch. Everclear is like 3000 proof grain alcohol. Illegal in 44 states. Makes a nice little mixer. Put it with Hawaiian Punch you got a nice little cordial. Girls are like, I can't even taste it. We know.