Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 224
Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, "I could never love anyone who ate a diaper."
I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
I must end it. There is no hope. I will be at peace. No one had anything to do with it. My decision totally.
The thing is, I hate political comedy. I personally loathe it.
They had a sign up: the lobsters were flown in. How cruel is that? Think about that - let's say you're a lobster, you've never been on an airplane before - what else can you think, but you've won the lobster sweepstakes?
What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
I was number one in the ratings four times last year and twice this season. What could be more damn equal than that? If they get any more equal, I don't want it.
Thanks to our brave allies: you gallant Russian bear, you British everywhere.
Who is more irrational? A man who believes in a God he doesn't see, or a man who's offended by a God he doesn't believe in?
My theory is, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I tried to capitalized on the values that made the show work. I have to be nice to my guests at the hotel, as I had to do with my patients, even when they're bugging me. And the home-life part seemed to work. I don't want ever to ride the show into the ground. It has been good to me.
You can cut your hair how you want, but I think you should get to where you wear it normal for the future.
Save yer breath! That's just another long list of lies perpetrated by The Man to keep a brutha down!