Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 239

Ain't nobody get fired, they went in another direction.

So, I’m from the South. So I guess that makes me South Korean.

Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?

My wife and I got remarried. Our divorce didn't work out.

You know, we're missing so much as African-Americans and we should be concerned about what's going on in Africa.

On Jerry Springer: “You cultural sodomite. You were an aide to Bobby Kennedy, which explains your connection to Hasselhoff. I guess you like to hang around guys whose careers end on a hotel floor.”

If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?

To make boxing training more exciting my trainer dresses as a ninja and yells, 'Ive never felt pain like this!! Who is this human!?'

I know I'll never have a weight problem, you know why? First morning I wake up and can't see my dick? I stop eating!

Babies awaken slightly disoriented, with a look that's half Angel and half Lost Tourist.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

We were a very small circle of writers. Everybody brought to the table their own life experience.

I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper.