Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 268
I love black women: burnt black, slave black. I love my woman so black, I just like her to lay in the bed, look like a hole in the sheets.
You give a white kid some napkins and duck sauce, they'll make a bomb.
Parents are trying to be friends with their kids rather than draw the line and tell them what proper public behavior would be.
Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
I used to always work in, like, warehouses, because if my boss gave me a rough time, I could just get on a forklift and just, like, drive away from him.
I went to see that Pavarotti last week and he was a right miserable git. He doesn’t like it when you join in.
When the Williams sisters play tennis, it gets pretty hot. When they start grunting, I'm in.
Look at this dais... you've got a pimp, a murderer, a drug dealer, a pornographer... and then eight white people.
I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America.
Is milk good or bad?... I rest my case. You don't know. You don't know anymore, and a lot of you are sitting there thinking "Fuck, I'm an adult and I don't need to drink that shit anymore!"
This is embarrassing. My friend accidentally killed himself masturbating when he was just trying to kill himself.
So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
You wonder why I only talk about my personal life. But that's all I've ever done.