Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 328
I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have multiple personalities.
My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
I’ve met a few people who were passive-aggressive, but I’ve never met anyone who was aggressive-passive. "I don’t want tacos! Maybe."
I loved when Bush came out and said, "We are losing the war against drugs." You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.
A doctor was telling me a lot of people aren't getting their kids circumcised. How many people aren't doing it? I'm not looking to be a trendsetter when it comes to my kid's penis. I don't want my kid to be the only guy in the locker room with a schlong that looks like it's about to rob a bank.
Jerry Weintraub, the producer, might be a pain in the ass, but he really knows how to treat his actors.
What man? Which man? Whose the man? When's a man a man? What makes a man a man? Am I a man? yes, technically I am.
Jen said she'd never ever see me again. When I saw her again, she said it again.
Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.
?As a nigga, we are not prepared to turn down a free god damn drink. We don't give a fuck what it is like 'this is unleaded!? that's spicy than a mothafucka, nigga I like that!
You see weird things driving... I've never understood log trucks, sometimes you'll be out on the highway, you see two big giant trucks loaded up with logs, and they pass each other on the highway... I don't understand it. I mean, if they need logs over there... and they need 'em over there, you'd think a phone call would save 'em a whole lot of trouble.