Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 341
People will bitch about anything. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t even have to necessarily be a serious topic like religion. It could be anything and people will have a problem. I’m telling you! It could be anything.
So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.
For those of you who don't speak French, by the way, all of that was fucking funny.
A girl's legs are her best friends... but even the best of friends must part.
I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.
When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.
Making people laugh is what I've been doing since I was like four or five years old. I still have a lust, I still have a passion. I don't care about how I look, I'm dedicated to the laughs.
Desperation is a necessary ingredient to learning anything, or creating anything. Period. If you ain't desperate at some point, you ain't interesting.
You know a lot of geniuses, y’know. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, y’know, you could learn something.
She had a little quirk! A little glitch. We’d get into an argument, I would present my side of the argument. Her retort would invariably be to... punch me in the face.
I think cats would have an even worse attitude if they found out how stupid their names were.
Seriously, any other town you go to there's this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder. A little good advice, a little bad advice.You go to Las Vegas, there's like a devil and a devil and they're just battling it out the whole time. It's like, 'Smoke some crack!' 'Get a hooker!' And then I go, 'Yea! Yea, this is a good town. Smoke some crack and get a hooker! Alright!'
If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.