Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 346
A girl's legs are her best friends... but even the best of friends must part.
You leave white people alone in constant isolation for thousands of years, you know what their musical contribution is going to be?… Riverdance.
My life was typical. I played a little Little League baseball. I never wanted for food. I always had shoes. I had a room. There were no great tragedies. There were the typical ups and downs but I wouldn' t say it was at all sad. We were Jewish and living in the suburbs so there was a slightly neurotic bent to it, but I can't point to anything where a boy overcame a tragedy to become a comedian. As my grandmother used to say, 'I can't complain.'
It's a great day in America when white people, black people and Latinos can all come together and pick on another minority.
I was never a Certified Public Accountant. I just had a degree in accounting. It would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.
The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books; how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.
Comic-Con starts today. It’s a four-day celebration of science fiction and comics. Every year, an army of geeks descends on San Diego. If you live anywhere other than San Diego and you need a computer fixed, you’re screwed.
If you don't believe in yourself, then who will believe in you? The next man's way of getting there might not necessarily work for me, so I have to create my own ways of getting there.
Whether the reasoning for these laws is insurance costs, more opportunities for random taxation through traffic stops, curbing lost production or any other justification that could be offered, the bottom line is that it isn't governments place. You own your body. No legislation should infringe on that.
As far as guys who perform onstage, I love Chris Rock. I'm kind of jaded on everyone else.