Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 346
Black people drink lots of beer. However, you won't see us skiing down a mountain for one, or see us diving for Frisbees on concrete for one.
You'd think all of these "atypical" somethings would add up to a typical something.
I was kicked out of school because of my attitude. I was not assimilating. So I went to work, taking any jobs I could get.
How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.
The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.
This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.
A girl's legs are her best friends... but even the best of friends must part.
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
The Spanish Inquisition wouldn’t have worked with Church of England. “Talk! Will you talk!” “But it hurts!” “Well, loosen it up a bit, will you? Fine…”
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I’d gone to Africa I would have got poached.
Your career and your passion don’t always match up. Plenty of talented people don’t have the careers they want. Plenty of untalented people make millions and make movies. There is a difference between determination and talent.
I was never a Certified Public Accountant. I just had a degree in accounting. It would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.
Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.