Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 347
Give me tired old whore porn... I can imagine she would at least fuck you well.
Credit-card debt and day trading-I feel like Michael Corleone in Godfather III, just when I think out, they pull me back in.
Ray Charles, who said to Stevie Wonder, "Maybe we're white." Never got a dinner!
I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate.
Do you think Patrick Swayze now goes up behind people in pottery classes and hugs them just to crack up other ghosts?
If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
I urge you to ask yourself just how honorable it is to preside over the abuse and suffering of animals.
You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab.
A lot of these people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt.
Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.
Often the thought of pain is actually worse that the pain itself.
Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
Why don't you click your heels three times and go back to Africa.