Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 431
I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The 'Big Island' - that name cracks me up. First of all, it's not that big, so I'm pretty sure a guy came up with that name.
I know 50 done made it cool to get shot, ain't nothing cool about gettin' shot. I've been shot before, ain't shit cool about it. When I got shot, ain't no Music play, ain't no Bitches come out, Nothin'!
Comedians talk to other comedians the way jazz musicians can talk to each other.
Why would you die for someone's sins? Your sins are the only thing interesting about you, you dreary, bleak motherfuckers.
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
You work your butt off and somebody says you can't have your record played because it offends them. Tyrants are made of such stuff.
Even when I was a little kid, I always said I would be in the movies one day, and damned if I didn't make it.
Today the Republicans are getting ready for the convention. They're busy down there in Florida auditioning minorities.
Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
Folks, it's time to evolve. That's why we're troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything's failing? It's because, um – they're no longer relevant. We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right? There's another 90 percent of our brains that we have to illuminate.