Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 430
The big advantage of a book is it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning.
If you want some pussy, you'll talk all that shit with them. 'Hey, yeah, sure,, the cosmos.. sure..'
There`s nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you`re busy or just want to flirt, but it`s hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree.
If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.
I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.
She says to me during the act of lovemaking, 'Hey Daniel, what's it like having sex with a condom on?' And I'm like, 'How should I know?'
The way I figure, there are two types of people: those who get it and those who don't. If they get it, there's nothing to explain, and if they don't, there's no point in trying to explain. They don't get it. Move on.
My wife asked me once if I weren't a comedian what I would do. I couldn't answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.
And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way.
I don't know if you've ever been to England, but as soon as they find out you're from America, they hate you. They just think they're more sophisticated than we are. They're so pissed at us. You know what it is? They're mad because they lost the Revolutionary War, and they should be because there was only like nine of us.