Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 430
When I used to watch vaudevillian impressionists, people like Rich Little or Frank Gorshin, I always felt like the voice was the only point. I didn't want to do that. I wanted to be of the Robin Williams or Jonathan Winters model, where observation and storytelling was important.
There are so few women in general who aren't completely threatened and confused by other women's success. It's very disappointing.
When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I said, "The middle of August? Cool!"
I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived.
I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
The TV news people keep saying that this could be the greatest Christmas we ever had. I kind of thought the first one was.
Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they're just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that.
If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself.
As a comedian, I have the gift of looking at something a bit differently and making it funny. I’m not sure why I can do that, but that’s as simple as I can put it.
When you're not 21, it's great to drink because you're not allowed to. You're a rebel: you gotta get a fake I.D., you gotta find a place to drink it, you gotta sneak in drunk. And if you get away with all that, you're laying in bed, your heart's pounding, you got vomit on your chin. You're like, 'I'm a rebel!' And you are. You're cool.
If you judge a person by the company they keep, then I'm retarded.