Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 432
Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
She doesn't need a steak knife. Rona Barrett cuts her food with her tongue.
To me, comedies are usually the least funny movies. Movies that are actually a comedy are usually not all that funny. To me Goodfellas and Raging Bull are two of the funniest movies I ever saw.
The fact that they let me in a movie with Gene Hackman has left me with no faith in show buisness.
Seriously, you don't have to know English. It'd be nice, a nice little plus. We don't want miracles. You don't have to know the country's language. But just some shapes, that's all. A square. A little geometry.
We owe it to our troops to let them sleep in their own beds, wake up in the morning, have a delicious breakfast, and drive to war.
Kevin James is going to do a couple of specials. One’s called It’s Getting Muggy In Here.
Everyone has the gift of laughter inside of them. All the world is a prop.
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
I just always loved stand-up. It's like magic. You say something, and a whole room full of people laughs together. Say something else, they laugh again. The fact that people come to see that and participate in that... I don't know, it's just like magic.
Even when I was a little kid, I always said I would be in the movies one day, and damned if I didn't make it.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, you know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
You know, if a woman falls over wearing heels, that's embarrassing, but if a bloke falls over wearing heels, then you have to kill yourself. It's the end of your life. Its quite difficult.