Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 482
If you don't get it right with your first family, you can always do it again with another.
People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.
Libertarians believe consenting adults have the right to do whatever they choose, except band together.
We've lost a bunch on the road, I don't even know how many. It's a relief to get this one.
I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
America is a bunch o' bullies. tell me what the Iraq uniform is like. Don't worry, I'll wait.
Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled?" "No" she replies "its just regular porn you sick bastard".
And while we’re at it Sheriff Joe in Arizona, fuck you you fucking puto. How about that? Fuck you. You fat motherfucker. Fuck you. I said I was gonna talk some shit. Fuck you Sheriff Joe, you fucking puto. Fuck you. Fuck you.
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
Doormen are kind of invisible, people don't know their names. They just say, Thank you, or Good morning. I'd never thought about doormen before. They're a vanishing breed. More electronic doors are being introduced.