Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 485
Three has always been tougher than Two. Think of any of your famous threesomes. The Three Stooges? Look at the anger there. My bet is that before Curly was born, Moe and Larry could play together for hours without even a single poke in the eye. Huey, Dewey, and Louie? Donald Duck never had a moment's peace. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly? I rest my case.
You don't want to go down to Alabama. It's primitive. Don't take your phone down there - ain't no AT&T, ain't no Sprint. They call each other the old fashioned way: they use pigeons.
For most of my relationships, I would have liaisons, and I would feel guilty.
At least drug dealers have some integrity. There is no integrity when it comes to entertainment.
I don't need to be redundant to the gay community about what's wrong and what isn't happening for them.
The Comedy Store - all three rooms were filled with 800 people in the room. And during that time, all these guys and some women, but mostly guys who weren't funny were doing stand up for a living; they weren't accountants, they were making $30-$50 grand a year on the road, or more.
A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
Look, anybody can tell a joke, so a lot of a comedian’s success is about energy and engagement. A real comic sells himself first and his joke second. So how do you do that? Get your swagger. Know what you’re doing. Be prepared. Be fresh. Be “on.”