Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 497
Can you believe that? She says I’m not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?
She was drunk so I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.
I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And I've done a lot of stuff. I don't know that I would put the puppets on when I was pitching a show. This was the head of the studio putting a puppet show on. And I'll tell you, he wasn't bad.
My girlfriend is pregnant. But we've already decided to give it up for abduction.
They got special terms that they use when they're pregnant. They don't even say "pregnant", got special words they use - "I'm expecting". Expecting what? "I'm expecting a child, silly." Well, then, you probably got a good shot!
When you first start having sex with somebody, you never discuss what you like and don't like. You just try stuff, and the other person either goes, 'Ooh yeah,' or they go, 'Hey, don't do that!'
When you do television, there's more to do, and when you do new television, there's a lot more to do, especially when you don't have partner. I miss not having that person.
I was the class clown at school, but at home, my family wasn't very funny.
We have 93 million households, and we’re in a beautiful position at 11 o’clock. There’s an audience out there that’s underserved. In the continuing diversity of the country, and as people become more familiar with you, you realize it’s not your father’s country anymore.
However, even under the best of circumstances, four-year graduation rates for the next few years will be substantially lower than those in the three provinces.
It's good to see people not smoking. You get dressed up, and you smoke, and it gets in your clothes. You go, ‘What should I wear tonight?’ ‘I don't know, honey, how about something menthol?’