Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 496
In France, they're having trouble translating a lot of Internet terms into French. In France the law is you have to use French words. For example, there are no French words for surfing the Web, there aren't any French words for chat session, and there aren't any French words for hacker. Of course, a lot of other words don`t translate to French either: military victory, deodorant...
Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go?
The unfairness of life is indicative of trees. I planted twenty trees on the same block. It's so fucking weird. Six became huge. One is giant. And there are some little shitty ones. Same soil. Same water. Same seed. But those little ones just don't grow. I can't explain it.
I never met anybody who said when they were a kid, I wanna grow up and be a critic.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying till I get it right.
Usually the people that peak in high school are tragic, tragic adults. Most of them end up working for the water department in their hometown and driving around said high school as the decades slip past.
When I go to bed, I've got so much grease on my body, I wear snow chains to hold up my gown.
Then people ask me if I'm worried about the effects of global warming on my kids. Well, obviously I love my kids and I want them to live to be a 100. So that's another 1.8 degrees. My kids’ kids? Three point six. I'll just tell them we moved to Phoenix.