Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 568
There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh.
They waited until I was 20 to tell me I was adopted, and then last Christmas, they told me they were kidding.
I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public.
She had Nick Lachey’s body, a deep voice, very small boobies, and a crew cut. It would have come as no surprise if she had walked into the backyard to compete in a rock-hurling competition after dinner.
What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.
Ladies and gentlemen, the lower economic and lower middle economic people are not holding their end in this deal. In the neighborhood that most of us grew up in, parenting is not going on.
You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.
The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. You never see anybody on TV just sliding off the front of the sofa, with potato chip crumbs all over their shirt.
I'm doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It's a little thing called "fear of success".