Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 569

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

Careers very rarely are a waste of time; jobs usually are.

I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody's car.

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.

Gentlemen, start your egos.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

It would be kinda embarrassing trying to explain what an appetizer is to someone from a starving country though. "Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food."

There's something very refreshing about being on stage.

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

I'm convinced that Sanford and Son shows middle-class America a lot of what they need to know.

Comedy comes from a place of hurt. Charlie Chaplin was starving and broke in London, and that's where he got his character 'the tramp' from. It's a bad situation that he transformed into comedic one.

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.

There are two things that you have to lie to get through. One is politics, and the other is marriage.

I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it

This is a 14th century Ming... thing. Made out of Ming by Mr. Ming during the Ming Period. If you don't like Ming, don't touch this one.