Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 570
President Bush and Bill Clinton both agree that cloning is morally wrong. Clinton said that he thinks humans should be made the old-fashioned way - liquored up in a cheap hotel room.
The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese.
The way I figure it, if you can't tell I'm high by looking at me, I win.
The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. You never see anybody on TV just sliding off the front of the sofa, with potato chip crumbs all over their shirt.
If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
After Joe Wilson's outburst, everyone was shocked. Because usually when a politician shoots off his mouth and makes a fool of himself, his name is Joe Biden. But even Biden said he was embarrassed by Wilson's behavior. This is Joe Biden we're talking about. Joe Biden saying it's embarrassing is like an Australian bartender saying you've had too much to drink.
My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked.
As a child I most closely identified with Charlie Browns teacher. Nobody listened.
It’s like I’m not even camping. This is actually a dog couch, but it’s super comfortable.