Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 583
I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything.
Kids need to be educated about sex and sexuality and if they're going to have sex, learn how to protect themselves and not get pregnant.
A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.
I'm not white - I don't apologize for what made my country great.
You should be like Calvin. His best friend was a tiger, and he went on dope adventures, and if anything got in his way, he’d just pee on it.
You know what I learned about Hawaiians? They're just blown up Mexicans!
I don't have any beliefs or allegiances. I don't believe in this country, I don't believe in religion, or a god, and I don't believe in all these man-made institutional ideas.
I hate those e-mails where they try to sell you penis enhancers. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. It's the two from my mum that really hurt.
I wanted to be the best that I could be, first for myself, then for an audience. I love to see a smile on somebody's face... If I can tell someone a story that makes them bend over and laugh, that's bigger than anything else.
I think comedy should be left up to the professionals, that way everyone’s safety is protected.
I'm in a situation with this girl that's as hopeless as overthrowing the Bush administration.
I hope that if I ever disappear, people don't look for me based on the last websites I visited. Kind of an awkward press conference for my parents. "Officer, do you have any leads?" "Well, based on Mr. Finnegan's computer entries, we think he was abducted by Sorority Sluts."
We work very, very hard to find that fine line where location is meaningful enough to be interesting to an advertiser but not so intrusive that it interrupts the creative flow of the show.