Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 593
Who do I have to blow to never have to blow anyone, ever again?
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.
I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything.
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.
My wife was going through my car one night. She said looking for a map. I know it's bogus. 'Cause every time we drive anywhere, she knows exactly where we're going and has no problem telling me how to get there.
The popcorn button on the microwave is a miraculous invention. More miraculous than even the microwave itself.
Some are from the world of the arts, some from the fields of business, architecture, wine-making and education. What they have in common is that they are all known nationally - and many internationally - for their wide-ranging achievements.
Nothing, believe me, nothing is more satisfying to me personally than getting a great idea and then beatin' it to death.