Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 594
A tank is made to drive and shoot with a turn that spins at 360 degrees. Do you know what that is? That's a drive-by!
Sometimes my mother goes through my socks and underwear. I wouldn't mind, but it tickles so much!
I'm supposed to be all re-injected with yes-we-can fever after the big health care speech, and it was a great speech - when Black Elvis gets jiggy with his teleprompter, there is none better. But here's the thing: Muhammad Ali also had a way with words, but it helped enormously that he could also punch guys in the face.
I really don't like art with a message. If you have a message that really needs to be said, just fucking say it.
President Bush said for security reasons, he's sworn off all e-mail communication. He will not be using email at the White House at all. Is that a good idea? I mean, it's not like that speaking thing was working out so good.
Now, if they were just honest about it and were like, 'Look, this guy's going to die in, like, seven or eight minutes; I'm going to get a bag of cash and a Lexus,' I wouldn't have a problem with it.
I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
I've always had something in my heart where I root for guys who struggle with women.
He went from looking like a Greek god to becoming Buddha: quiet, contained, but so powerful... And he's such a fighter. I thought, "He's going to the hospital, he'll be OK, he'll come out."
It’s good to be here. I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It’s not working out too well.
It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.
I don't like to dabble in anything I don't do well. I don't talk politics.