Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 598
People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
I got these new pajama bottoms and they have pockets. Which is great, because I was getting really tired of holding things while I slept.
Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.
She was so ugly that if you grab a dictionary and look under the word ugly you would see her picture.
I mostly get takeout, I have to admit - I don't know if that's something to be ashamed of. I'm not much of a cook.
I love being married, it's great, but I hate arguing. I hate fighting. You know what I do now? When we get in an argument, I just take her side against me. It's just easier; it goes quicker. She's like, 'What's wrong with you?' And I'm like, 'I know! Damn it! Argh!' She wins most of them anyway. I might as well be on the winning side occasionally.
I've always had something in my heart where I root for guys who struggle with women.
If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.
If reading makes you smart then how come when you read a book they have to put the title of the book on the top of every single page? Does anyone get halfway through a book, "What the hell am I reading?"
You try not to have a favorite when you have sons or kids. Can’t have a favorite. Can’t let them know know if you do. I don’t. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.