Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 641
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"
Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say.
I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.
John Travolta, who said, "My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash." Never got a dinner!
I was at the mall the other day, looking for a job, girlfriend, pretzel.
According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.
There are only two Asian people that I know that I have any problem with at all. One is, uh, Guy Aioki. The other is my friend Steve who actually went pee-pee in my Coke. He's all, "Me Chinese, me play joke!" Uh, if you have to explain it, Steve, it's not funny!
Queen Elizabeth, who said, "Not now, I'm on the throne." Never got a dinner!
I think Billy Martin said it best when he said "hey" <br /> [takes a drink of beer] "I can drive"
For the level of entertainment you get for the ticket, it's a solid show.
I’m nervous about the whole velvet rope scene… I’m a child of the 70s. And I remember those Studio 54 stories where there’s a guy at the velvet rope and he’s saying you’re hot enough to get it and you’re not. And I know I’m in the not list. That’s not fun for me. When I go to Applebees, I get a table whenever I want.
NYU's like a Jurassic 5 concert: it's like there's supposed to be black people there, but they're not.