Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 640
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
A black man failing black history... ain't that some sad shit..... cuz you know, fat people don't fail cooking!
I know when the anthrax thing hit, white people y’all was very nervous. Y’all would come up to me at work and warn me, “Oh my God Aries, be careful. Don’t open the mail.” Black folks was never worried about anthrax. Because half the time we don’t open our mail no way. We might think that’s a bill… Y’all want to get us with anthrax, put that in a Jay-Z CD.
Welcome to the Academy Awards, a glittering two hours of entertainment, spread out over four hours. For those of you taping this on Betamax, you're under arrest.
In the debate Bush appeared confident, he appeared relaxed, he appeared calm. That's right, he's drinking again.
What you find is that most Jewish camps have Indian names, and I think I understand why. First of all, Camp Nagiwa or Camp Apache -- that sounds a lot more fun than Camp Jewy Jew, right? That's just more fun. Also, I think Jews can relate to people who are rounded up and put in places where they didn't want to be.
Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.
I think some teams shied away because of it, ... But Minnesota stuck with me and I was happy about that.
The game of comedy is all about owning the stage, and from a physical point of view, it's beneficial that I am a larger man. From my lumbering presence alone, I can't really help *but* dominate the stage.
By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
There was no religion in my life growing up. Did God invent us or did we invent God?
My perfect last meal would be: shrimp cocktail, lasagna, steak, creamed spinach, salad with bleu cheese dressing, onion rings, garlic bread, and a dessert of strawberry shortcake.