Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 699
It's my real name. My mother's name is Rose Rock. It was the worst name as a kid to have. They called me Piece of the Rock, Plymouth Rock, Joe Rockid, and Flintstones. Now they call me Mister Rock.
Even every day ends the same, doesn’t it? “What do you want for dinner?” “I don’t know. What do you want for dinner?” “How about a gun in my mouth so we never have to talk about his again?”
You have to have some level of attachment, you can still have passion and believe but it has to be softened somewhat.
Everybody says before reviews come out, 'Oh, reviews don't matter,' just in case they're bad; everyone want to brace themselves.
You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.
Of course, in Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don't have cars, so if you want to kill a person, you have to take the subway to their house. And sometimes on the way, the train is delayed and you get impatient, so you have to kill someone on the subway. That's why there are so many subway murders; no one has a car.
You might be a redneck if you've ever taken an RV to a drive-in movie.
Every time I see Peter Falk in the movie I think that would be great. We'd be fun together.
Christine Todd Whitman had to resign as the head of the EPA; you know, when the governor of New Jersey decides the environment is hopeless, you gotta really think that one through.
I'd love to be a woman for one day of my life... God... I would be drunk with power.
If you`re involved in with something that`s original, you know, you`ll always go back and try to rehash it.
George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that's what I'm trying to do.