Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 700

My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.

I've gotten in trouble with every race you can imagine.

You can do anything you want, as long as it works.

I have always been told that I was a funny, entertaining person and have always been told to give comedy a try.

You got to control your own destiny. You got to keep writin different stuff. Keep switchin up and never do the same thin too many times.

I don't want comedy to be Bridesmaids 2. I'm not denigrating Bridesmaids but, enough already, let's stop pretending women are incalculably different to us. Seeking out podcasts, listening on headphones, it's like an intimate, specific conversation. People respond if it feels from the heart. I'm as neurotic a human being as lives, and I have my faults. I'm a drunk. But people really like that.

Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on 'How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?'

Feels good to try, but playing a father, I'm getting a little older. I see now that I'm taking it more serious and I do want that lifestyle.

Yeah, good to be here. I haven't been here in two years... Thanks. It's that warmth I've missed in Austin. So, we been here, ain't our fault you gotta travel around, shit. We supposed to follow you around? You supposed to be back here. What are you doin', where are you?

I think people are as individual as snowflakes, they kinda look alike but no two are the exactly the same, and all classification is the root of prejudice.

Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.

In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.

I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.

Dude on my flight is watching Men in Black 3, watching with no sound & pretending its a Hitch sequel bout Hitch trying hookup an alien.

I looked at game show hosting as the bottom of the totem pole, one step away from infomercials. I never watched them myself. However, it's been a lot of fun. We try out new things and keep a lot of the classic elements people remember. I enjoy getting to know new people and seeing them win.