Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 720
“You need to come deer hunting! It’s a man’s sport!” I just think in order to be called a sport both teams need to know there’s a game going on.
Who are them blokes, the jockeys? Who are they, three foot high fucking hobbits in a pimps outift!
You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost.
Clint Eastwood's sex therapist, who said to Clint, "Do it any which way you can, but no sudden impact." Never got a dinner!
God has a sense of humor. If you don't believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people.
Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
I don’t know if I’m the right person to be doing jokes about religion; in the past few months, I’ve become religious, I’ve started to believe in god, creationism and intelligent design, and the reason that I now believe in god and creationism and intelligent design is because of Professor Richard Dawkins. Because when I look at something as complex and intricate and beautiful as Professor Richard Dawkins, I don’t think that just could’ve evolved by chance! Professor Richard Dawkins was put there by god to test us, like fossils. And facts.