Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 800
Do people who believe in reincarnation ever say, "Darn, I'm still writing the year 1612 on my checks!"
Black culture is a fight. We want to hold on to what we are, but sometimes the things that we are can be totally negative. You have to think: can't we try something new and not be seen as suspect?
If the victories we create in our heads were let loose on reality, the world we know would drown in blazing happiness.
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong?
If you need a baby that bad, go down to the pound and get one. Not even a baby - go get an old man. There's unwanted people of all ages, pre-made and waiting for you.
My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.
John and I were gay together once... Wait, that's not true. He was gay and I just laid there. Thank you, John, for giving me your heiny last night.
I admire Russell Simmons. He is a successful dude that has done a little bit of everything. He keeps it moving, and he’s still doing things. Larry David is also amazing. He is honest and blunt. A creative genius.
You’re so fucking stupid, you dropped out of school faster than Casey Anthony’s kid.
If you could use the Internet somehow to see how a Fiji sailor is doing, rather than having to read a text version of it somewhere a day later, that would be great.
Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.