Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 799
We do not believe, had he been white, that he would be dead. And when we black folks say to America that we're not going to tolerate it, it's going to stop.
I'm a rap comedian the same way Bill Cosby is a jazz comedian, Cosby's laid back. I'm like, bang, bang bang, right into it.
The more developed your abs, the less time you’ve spent reading.
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you’ll ever have!"
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.
My favorite part of going to a wedding is ruining the wedding.
Here's the deal. If you're with somebody who you love, they should want you in bed. That's it. Once it goes south in bed, that's it. You don't want to be in bed with somebody that says, 'I'll race you to sleep.'
The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.
I’m on a show called Wizards of Wavery Place, and I like it, but I’m unable to convince my Tivo that I wouldn’t also like iCarly.
I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that one the female?
I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.