Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 810
It has been way too cold this winter, I mean th-th-th-the temperatures have been ungodly, where the fuck is global warming when you need it!
When you unleash the mix upon her, she will understand the beauty of who you are as a human being, and then she will melt and be in your bedroom soon. That's the plan with the mix.
Those who the gods would make rich and famous on TV, they first drive mad.
She'll take 3-5 steps, always 3-5 then she'll turn and just over her shoulder say, "well your dumb like your father."
I used to get letters saying, 'I didn't know black children and white children were the same.'
By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.
You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got an idiot.
It's great to tell people you have your own show, but that's where the fun stops.
We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.
Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don't have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD - Too Busy Disorder.
A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday."
North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.
So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.
White men have screwed this country up! I would like a black, female…. everything all rolled into one.I want something different. I want a real change. People, I want a president who speaks well, who has a sense of humor. This guy is such a moron! It's beyond the point where it's a joke. He's an idiot.