Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 855
When we were making out you kinda acted like it was nothing. Like you were doing it to prove you could do it or something.
Mirabelle is attractive; it's just that she is never the first or second girl chosen.
The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name.
She had destroyed whatever was between us by making a profound gaffe: She met me.
What's happened is somewhere, along the line, as a society, we confused the notion of 'home' with the possibility of 'an investment opportunity'. What kind of creature wants to live in an 'investment opportunity'? Only man. The fox has his den. The bee has his hive. The stoat, has, uh... his stoat-hole... but only man chooses to make his nest in an investment opportunity. Mmm, snuggled down in the lovely credit! All warm, in the mortgage payment, mmmmm...
It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
Oh Rama, here I go again! Listen to you, sounding like Death Vader. You people need cigarettes as much as this country needs another C-average President. Plus you look like a human Pez dispenser! Here are your cigarettes, and here is some gum so you can blow bubbles for that weird ass hole you have in your neck. And here are some batteries, for your creeping-me-out machine. Now get the fark out of my store! I hope I am reincarnated as a turtleneck... Thank you for getting that joke!
So, I used to be a music teacher. I used to teach K-5 music here in New York City. I taught the recorder. Are you guys familiar with Satan's little flute? If there's music in Hell, I assure you, it is played on a recorder.
George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.