Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 919
My mother was taught by a nasty ventriloquist who lived nearby my childhood home to throw guilt without moving her conscience.
There are packs of baboons running around Africa that take better care of themselves than we do. You know what health insurance is for me? I've got Band-Aids in my car.
They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
During the cold war, West Berlin was an "exclave" - a tiny outpost of liberalism surrounded by people who want to crush it. It was like Austin, Texas.
How great if, as well as creating life in their womb, a woman could use her vagina to make hot fudge sundaes.
When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool.
You might be a redneck if you've sat on the toilet until your legs fell asleep.
Many stroke survivors look back on their attack as "a stroke of luck". Of course, by "luck" they mean "horrible paralysis."
That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.