Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 919
You ever in a relationship you argue so much that how you remember where you were? “Didn’t we argue here once? Didn’t you threaten to walk home?”
I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.
Did you ever see the customers in health-food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.
Sometimes, to help someone you love, you have to commit a felony. But, you don't want to go to prison for that. "Hey, dude, what are you in for? Armed robbery? Murder?" And then, you have to say, "Love." And, that's definitely going to get you, you know, picked last for prison kick ball.
'Green Screen' was a total experiment. I'm glad we did it, but it was just tough on that network to get it going.
You might be a redneck if your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
We just jumped out and started shooting with the band, and then one thing led to another. You see it unfold in the movie, but by the end of just hanging with them we had decided, 'Why don't we have them come to Brooklyn?' It was pretty awesome.
You can’t take everything that is offered to you. I pass on a lot of stuff, because I truly believe that I will shine better if I could do it 200 percent rather than do it 80 percent and make it so-so.