Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 929
There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men.
Breaking News : Prince Harry met some children yesterday who`d been blown up in landmines. "How do you cope being legless everyday?" the kids asked Harry.
There are fears that Britain could be facing a double-dip recession, or worse still, a double-dip with misery sprinkles and fuck-where's-my-job-sauce.
Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012.
Agatha Christie? We go back years, me and Ag. She's a … she's just a … she's dead, isn't she?
Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.
As I die, and my life flashes before my eyes, I want to see who made faces at me when I turned my head. That's all I want to see.
I just know keeping track of what I'm doing and where I'm going is important to me.
I'm at the register in the clothing store, and i put a pair of pants on the counter. The lady says "You Gonna Buy Those" I said "Nope gonna steal them, just wanna let you see them before I do" Here's your sign!
I stopped having intimacy problems when my lovers did impressions of other women.
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Text a guy you like right now, "I'm thinking about you." If he says, "mmm are you in bed?" Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.