Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 930
They’re calling Hooters now a family restaurant. Isn’t that hilarious? Tits for the whole family!
Michele Bachmann said that if she is elected president, she would consider eliminating the Department of Education because "the states could do a gooder job."
China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the world. They could become the richest, but that’s only if we pay them the money we owe them, and that’s not going to happen.
You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "Hey!" or "How Y'all Doin'?"
Aw, hell. My wife and I made a porno, good God, somehow it's wound up on the internet... Cuz I put it there! You're welcome!
I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I've started a record label, so I get to nurture new talent and talk about music, which is a passion of mine. I've written another book. And I get to come to work and do the TV show, which is always really fun.
I've been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my staff and three guys so it's pretty equal. I don't know why that is. It's been the same thing for a while. It's hard for female comedians to stand out. That's weird. That's a shame.
My friend has a weird relationship with his mother. She breast fed him until he was four. And since then he’s just taken it.
I've no desire to hang around with a bunch of upper-class delinquents, do twenty minutes' work and then spend the rest of the day loafing about in Paris drinking gallons of champagne and having dozens of moist, pink, highly experienced French peasant girls galloping up and down my - hang on...