Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 932
I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard.
Some PR is about getting information about a great product or thingy out to the people who would enjoy it, while other PR is about creating a web of lies that conceals the fact that your company harnesses the energy produced by rape and uses it to make a chemical that kills forests for fun. Either way, you're going to need it.
Last year I punched a shop assistant over the duvet tog-rating system and went berserk over a mince pie. I am stung by accusations that I over-react.
A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George.
Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness.
I suppose I grew up wishing I was an American Jew for the comedy and the one-liners. ... actress who does a Holocaust movie because, as she explains, it's a surefire way to finally win an Oscar.
You know, the New Testament is pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament.
I wish it was that easy to get turned on for me - at this point, I need a bottle of Belevere and a fighterjet.
Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I’d told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign.
At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
So, what are you in for? MANSLAUGHTER!!! I SLAUGHTERED A MAN!! JUST LIKE A PIG!!! PUT HIM ON A SPIT AND PUT AN APPLE IN HIS MOUTH!!!!