Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 931
I don't get it, how does a guy look at his girlfriend without doubling over?
I won’t say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.
My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.
I'm going to be going to a secluded spot where no one can find me - NBC prime time.
It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
My grandmother died of natural causes. Or as my family calls it murdered by the lord.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
You can’t make something beautiful by trying to make something beautiful. Something becomes beautiful in the process of trying to be something else.
Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.
You can have good writing, but a great actor will make it feel and sound like great writing. You can have great writing, and mediocre actors will make it feel mediocre. Without the actors, you have nothing.
Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of zodiac-inspired toe rings and homeopathic children’s medications are selling on Home Shopping Network.
If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?