Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 933
Repeat after me. I promise not to run outside of the house. I promise not to run inside of the house. I promise not to touch, pick up, step on, anything that looks interesting.
On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.
Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time.
There are flaws in the way politics is reported in this country today and we should do something about it, ... Radio and television coverage of politics doesn't see its role as a mission to explain, but to destroy, in a pernicious culture in which journalists pit themselves against politicians.
I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
My wife is impossible. It is only safe to wake her from a distance, like Portugal.
My wife, she told me I was one in a million. I found out that she was right.
Is global warming new? I don't know. When I was young I remember the sun being hot.
Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it's not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.
Supreme Court says pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts… Hmm… sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me. You know when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial… I ain’t thinking about gum.
You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.