Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 952
The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.
I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.
And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. "It's the best in the world", he said. "What type is it?", I asked and he said "ten past twelve".
So I went to a club the other day, which is timely because my self esteem had been hovering right around ‘normal’ and I had been meaning to knock it down to negative 1000.
I always thought that as long as man is mortal, he will never be relaxed.
Why even moon a sorority girl if they can't see the swingy egg bag part of it?
First grade show-and-tell, I taught the class to mix Long Island Iced Teas. From scratch.
It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which gunshot is the starting pistol.
My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
You might be a redneck if you think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.