Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 953
I wouldn't want to be someone's roommate, that's for sure. You can't do certain things: you can't leave the bathroom door open... you can't put your feet on the couch, you can't hide stuff in the couch.
Sobriety is something you do for yourself. I sure don't miss blackouts but the downside is having the clarity to know who I am.
Timing is everything. That’s a cliche. Now. If I’d said that a long time ago, I’d have been original.
I'm about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word "busy" is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call. Remember men are never to busy to get what they want.
I definitely have breast envy. When teenage girls were saying 'I wish I had breasts', I was thinking the same thing.
Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
If there was a pill that allowed you to drink and not get drunk, an alcoholic would go "What happens if you take two?"
What hair color do they put on the driver's license's of bald men?
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead.
The claim that somehow raw foods give you better energy, are more healthful, improve your immune system and all of that is simply not substantiated. And moreover, it's not biologically plausible.
He was a multi-millionaire... Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed the little diagrams that tell which way to put batteries in...