Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 962
Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries for quality of life, because of things like the weather, obviously, late retirement, poor holiday, poor public services, poor health service; it's basically just a kind of grey, godless wilderness, full of cold pies and broken dreams.
I can't help thinking the failed New York bomber would've done far more damage if he'd simply driven throught Times Square in a Toyota.
Breaking News : Prince Harry met some children yesterday who`d been blown up in landmines. "How do you cope being legless everyday?" the kids asked Harry.
You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
If you laugh at that, you lower the bar, and I will limbo under it because I am a fucked-up guy!
I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
'The ruckus' is different experiences you go through throughout your life which builds your ruckus points up - your tolerance. You've got to have a high tolerance for dealing with stuff all the time.
Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012.
Love is like a lost fart… if you have to force it, then it’s probably shit.
Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness.
Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you.
When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. Some say, it's the only time we're perfect. You're also born covered in blood and placenta. No one gets nostalgic about that.