Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 988
I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it's not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
That’s America for you - a red herring culture, always scared of the wrong things. The fact is, there are a lot of creepy middle-aged men out there lusting for your kids. They work for MTV, the pharmaceutical industry, McDonald’s, Marlboro and K Street.
One guy I was in bed with him and he kept saying to me, “Tell me what you want? Tell me what you want? Tell me what you want?’ I want a milkshake, what do you think I want?
If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
Recently there has been a lot of controversy between the countries, and I would hope that now the two countries could put all that behind them and start to build on what really has been a great friendship.
I tell you one thing that's great about children. They don't need a show to have fun. What do they need? A book of matches, some oily rags, a little brother… that's all they need.
Orville Wright, who said to his brother Will, "We're only in the air twelve seconds; how the hell did our luggage get to Cleveland?" Never got a dinner!
For me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy. That's to me the most important thing, that my hour of television is positive and upbeat and an antidote for all the negative stuff going on in life.
I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!' I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!'
There's more evil in the charts than in an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since... uh... what was that guys name... Constantine. He converted in, what was it, 312 A.D. I'm just saying, enjoy your success.