Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 992
iPod now has music on a fucking credit card. Eventually they'll have it so that you wear underwear and you just hear it in your head.
She was so ugly that when two men broke into her apartment and she yelled "rape" they yelled "nooooooo".
You know, I think there's a good rule of thumb here: Don't take nutritional advice from other species.
If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
Recently there has been a lot of controversy between the countries, and I would hope that now the two countries could put all that behind them and start to build on what really has been a great friendship.
Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.
Orville Wright, who said to his brother Will, "We're only in the air twelve seconds; how the hell did our luggage get to Cleveland?" Never got a dinner!
(Unlikely lines to hear on a TV Show ) Welcome to Blind Date with me , Stevie Wonder.
"I'm bored" is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of.
I didn't know you could name a Puerto Rican 'Israel' 'cause I'm pretty sure you'll never meet a Jew named 'Puerto Rico.'
Hey, is there a new critically acclaimed movie called “Other People”? Because that’s what I want to see.