Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 991
Adam, who said to George Burns, "Dad, can I have my allowance?" Never got a dinner!
Let me tell you about Australia. It’s really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you’re a gleam in your father’s eye.
If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.
A war is going to destroy our economy even further. It's going to be a threefold humanitarian disaster.
I didn't know you could name a Puerto Rican 'Israel' 'cause I'm pretty sure you'll never meet a Jew named 'Puerto Rico.'
He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, "That's a turn-up for the books."
I want them to know I don't think I'm wonderful, or better than they are. Part of comedy is saying: 'I am you and you are me, and we're all feeling the same thing.'
[as George W. Bush] I will tame evil, I will get the evil ones, We must find the evil ones. We must get evil, we must laminate evil, we must wear it round our necks, at the backstage party in paradise!
There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!
I loved Peter Sellers. I thought he was the perfect mix of physical comedy with out-of-the-box humor. I loved his tone; I loved his physicality; I loved everything about what he was doing as a comedic actor.
I started out as an impressionist and that`s all about observing - how people move, their voice quality, their attitudes and quirks.