Quotes & Jokes by Bob Newhart / page 2


One of the first things that you learn as a stand-up is, you're the boss. It's your stage, and don't screw with me because I'll make you look bad, which I had to do, because you wind up with drunks and loud people.

Continuing to do stand-up is always a challenge because the audiences and the environments in which you work very often differ.

I think there are still words you can't use in family entertainment that you can use in a sitcom today.

Well, my career choice made a difference because I never would have met my wife, Jenny. I met her through comedian Buddy Hackett. He set us up on a blind date and then we got married.

I can't remember the last live-action, non-animated Christmas movie.

Women are more emotional. They do get flustered. Which is not to say that men are better than they. It's simply the way it is.

I still feel 30, except when I try to run.

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

My theory is, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I tried to capitalized on the values that made the show work. I have to be nice to my guests at the hotel, as I had to do with my patients, even when they're bugging me. And the home-life part seemed to work. I don't want ever to ride the show into the ground. It has been good to me.

There's a lot of cynicism. Let's really enjoy Christmas, with all that's going on in the world.

Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there.

All I can say about life is, 'Oh God, enjoy it!'

I am a minimalist. I like saying the most with the least.

I was never a Certified Public Accountant. I just had a degree in accounting. It would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.

I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it.