Quotes & Jokes by Bob Newhart / page 2

I like the humor to come out of character. When you're going for a joke, you're stuck out there if it doesn't work. There's nowhere to go. You've done the drum role and the cymbal clash and you're out on the end of the plank.

My theory is, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I tried to capitalized on the values that made the show work. I have to be nice to my guests at the hotel, as I had to do with my patients, even when they're bugging me. And the home-life part seemed to work. I don't want ever to ride the show into the ground. It has been good to me.

One of the first things that you learn as a stand-up is, you're the boss. It's your stage, and don't screw with me because I'll make you look bad, which I had to do, because you wind up with drunks and loud people.

Well, my career choice made a difference because I never would have met my wife, Jenny. I met her through comedian Buddy Hackett. He set us up on a blind date and then we got married.

All I can say about life is, 'Oh God, enjoy it!'

I think there are still words you can't use in family entertainment that you can use in a sitcom today.

Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there.

I am a minimalist. I like saying the most with the least.

Women are more emotional. They do get flustered. Which is not to say that men are better than they. It's simply the way it is.

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

I was never a Certified Public Accountant. I just had a degree in accounting. It would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.

There's a lot of cynicism. Let's really enjoy Christmas, with all that's going on in the world.

I can't remember the last live-action, non-animated Christmas movie.

You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.

I still feel 30, except when I try to run.