Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1040
Fall is my favourite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change colour and fall from the trees.
A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. It doesn't only represent the good things. If you burn the flag, you're burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. It's only a symbol. It's only a piece of cloth.
I’m relaxed about my career. I’ve been making movies for over 20 years, so I’ve earned at least the right to relax.
Making a good music video isn’t easy. If it were, MTV would still be showing them instead of ‘16 and Pregnant,’ which I assume is shot exclusively in Utah.
Do women who have plastic surgery want to look like that girl from The Muppet Show, or does it just come out that way?
I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'
Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.
To create a comedy major, I ended up starting a comedy night in the basement of my dorm, and I promoted and produced my final project, which meant I faxed press releases from an old Apple IIC, or whatever it was, to newspapers, not knowing if that would work or if that's how you do things.
There's something weird, something phenomenally dreary about Christian singing. The Gospel singers are the only singers that just go crazy, joyous and it's fucking amazing! And it's born out of kidnapping, imprisonment, slavery, murder, all of that - and this joyous singing!
The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.